How to Annoy Gorillaz in 50 steps
by Satanic Wishes
Summary: OMG, I figured 50 steps to annoy each of the Gorillaz members... I'm so proud. I wrote this because nobody else had written a story like this one for Gorillaz, so I'm a loner all by myself. Hence 'loner'. CORTEZ IS FINALLY UP!
1. Murdoc

How to annoy Murdoc

Before attempting this, get some protection – cricket pads, box, helmet, etc, and get some good insurance. Have some spare body parts ready. him to Michael Jackson

2.Ask him why his nose is flat

3.Say you like his deodorant

4.'Borrow' his cape and pretend to be Dracula

5.Tell everybody he has pink fluffy slippers

6.Dress up as Satan and say he has a debt to pay

7.Ask to borrow $5 every 2 minutes until he's bankrupt

8.Tell him his nose has been run over by a steam roller

9.When he tells you not to touch his guitar, pick it up and start playing real bad

10.Ask if you can visit his brother, back and say you like Hannibal better because he gave you an black eye and aids

12.When he attempts to blacken your other eye, tell him to stop hitting like a girl

13.If he insults you, just say 'ya mum' in attempt to remind him of his mum being at a mental institution

14.Ask if he likes Noodle

15. A. If he says yes, as if he has asked her out slash raped her

15. B. If no, ask if he likes 2D instead

16.Ask if you can borrow his deodorant

17.Borrow his toothbrush without asking

18.Break his nose

19.Say he's very prettyful

20.Dress up as a pink fairy and imitate everything he does. Be sure to get his voice and movements right

21.When Sebastian visits, run up and hug him, and poke your tongue out at Murdoc

22.Steal his favorite underwear (using gloves and tongs)

23.Ask him to give you a piggy back

24.Empty all the alcohol and fill the bottles with water. Screw them up tight and put them back in the fridge

25.Burn all his cigarettes in front of him

26.Set fire to the Winnebago

27.If he insults you again, say 'I love you too'. Especially if you're a guy

28.Start following him everywhere he goes, even to the toilet and strip clubs

29.Snap his toothbrush in half, give it back to him and say it was like that when you found it floating in the toilet

30.Say he'd look good with spiky blue hair

31.Ask if he waxes or shaves his on his awesome non-existent sun tan

33.Ask to borrow his drugs

34.Poke his nose and say 'beep' repetitively

35.Laugh at him and say he's a loner

36.When he starts talking, change the subject

37.Unexpectedly jump out behind him and start brushing his hair

38.Say pink's your favorite color as well

39.Tell him he can't drive

40.Ask him to hold his tongue out real far

41.Ask again

42.Forget his 42nd birthday

43.Steal his inverted cross

44.Walk up to him in public, holding a camera, and ask him to dack himself

45.If he does, take a picture and post it on the internet

46.Make a movie of him with his teddy and put it on YouTube

47.Tell him you're his son/daughter

48.Ask if he'd read you a story before you go to bed

49.Tell him Satan doesn't exist

50.When he breaks down into tears and starts bashing his head against the wall, give him his teddy bear and wipe his nose with a floral handkerchief


	2. 2D

How to annoy 2D

There's no real threat doing this. You don't need any protection.

1.Call him a up to him excited and tell him you found his eyes under your past five out loud without having to use your fingers or toes

4.For Christmas, give him a blue jumper and say it matches his eyes

5.Keep your valuables in his eye sockets

6.Beat him at Widescreen Pong

7.Tell him that Napoleon Dynamite is a crap movie, even if it breaks your heart. The author says sorry

8.Use long words

9.Get Noodle to break up with him

10.Give him aids

11.Be very silent, sneak up on him, and make a loud noise right beside his ear

12.Let him drive the Geep

13.Start reading picture books and describe the pictures to him

14.Ask what his shirt says

15.Ask why he was alone with Murdoc in the Winnebago last night

16.Steal his favorite teddy bear

17.Ask what his real name is

18.If he says 'Stuart Tusspot', laugh and say he got his last name wrong

19.Tell him he has a cool accent

20.Try to gouge his eyes out

21.Ask if he needs glasses

22.Hide his painkillers

23.Pour soft drink in his eye sockets and wait till he wakes up laughing. Ask him if it tickles

24.Don't let him borrow your eyes

25.When he touches you, cry out 'RAPE!'

26.Say you like his eye how many times he walks into walls each day, and give him a running him on inventing gravity. Take a photo of his expression

29.Make a weird humming noise with your mouth closed and pretend it isn't you

30.Call out 'Stuart Tusspot' loudly at random moments

31.Ask if he has a girlfriend

32. A. If yes, ask what color her hair is

32. B. If no, it means he's available. You'd be stupid not to take the opportunity. Ifanybody asks, sleeping together was his idea, not yours

33.Set off the fire alarm, burglar alarm, wake-up alarm and noisy electrical appliances at the same time

34.Ask him to do a handstand

35.Trip him over

36.Have a staring contest with him

37.Wake him up at 5:00 am by shouting 'Stuart Tusspot' in his ear as loud as you can

38.When he asks you a question, interrupt him by asking another question about his private life, example how many girlfriends does he have at the present moment, how many pubic hairs does he have. It's (kinda) funny because he can't count past five

39.Tell him Murdoc wants to see him in the Winnebago

40.Ask him if he likes monkeys

41.Make a loud monkey noise next to his ear

42.Watch Napoleon Dynamite with him and keep interrupting

43.Have a screaming contest

44.Dare him to steal Murdoc's lucky undies

45.Flatten down his hair with hair gel

46.Tell him to climb a tree

47.Pretend Satan's chasing after him. He'll run

48.Pretend a giant marshmallow's chasing after him. See if he runs

49.When he's running away from Satan and the giant marshmallow, trip him and yell in his ear, 'Stuart Tusspot!'

50.Do all of the above at the same time


	3. Noodle

A/N: I know I kinda mucked up the last two chapters, but I'm truly trying to work on it with these one/s. If you can't make out what the other two said, just tell me and I'll e-mail the originals to you.

How to annoy Noodle

If you're asking for me to point out any involved risks, then you're crazy. She's a super soldier type thing, for crying out loud! You need protection. Lots and lots of protection. And painkillers.

1. Point out she's Japanese

2. Ask if she likes sushi

3. Ask why her hair's purple

4. Sue her for hijacking your windmill and flying it over 8 state and territory lines…

5. Go on random translation sites and write down bad words, and yell them out randomly. Examples: kupu kupu malam prostitute, baka idiot

6. Go in her room uninvited and pretend you can read the Japanese writing and books

7. Ask what hair dye she uses

8. Tell her to dump 2D

9. Ask what her real name is

10. Pronounce it wrong

11. Ask how she even got on the windmill in the first place

12. Dress up as a helicopter and pretend to shoot her down

13. Ask if she likes foxes, wolves or greyhounds better

14. When she proudly states that she can speak every language there is, say 'How about this one?' and make one up

15. Tell her that you're taller than her

16. Beat her at Tae-Kwon-Do

17. Try to put something in her eye sockets and say, 'Oops, sorry, I'm looking for 2D'

18. Steal her guitar pick/s and hide it/them

19. Start going out with 2D

20. Draw a bad picture of her

21. Tell her a bad joke, and sue her for not laughing

22. Ring her mobile phone, and when she answers, start laughing manically

23. Ask why she's had relationships with three older men

24. Use her make-up without asking

25. Borrow her hair brush, give it back and say you have head lice

26. Ask her how to say rude words in Japanese, Spanish or your language choice here

27. Choose a delivery company that isn't Fed Ex

28. Lend her Murdoc's toothbrush for no reason in particular

29. Ask if she's a Satanophobic

30. Gift-wrap her pet monkey and give it to her for Christmas, but be sure to have air holes in the wrapping paper

31. Lift up her skirt slash dress

32. Smile annoyingly every time she walks past

33. When she asks what you did, continue smiling

34. Start singing some random Japanese song with no idea how to pronounce the words or what they mean

35. Ask if she likes shoes and shoeshine, in reference to 19-2000.

36. Go in her room unauthorized to have a look at the giant head and searchlights that reside in there

37. Ask if she's ever gone out with Del

38. Invite Paula Cracker over for a week

39. Start following her everywhere, just like you did with Murdoc

40. When she turns around to look at you, turn around and look in the same direction

41. Ask about her obsession with Windmills

42. Tell her she should rename her monkey 'Bob', because it is easier to remember than… whatever it is now

43. Erase the high scores _and_ the saved games from her gameboy (thnx for the idea)

44. Attempt to jump on her bed

45. Ask if she enjoyed the ride from Japan to England in a FedEx box

46. Stick pictures of Murdoc in her room

47. Say Russel likes her

48. Lock her in a room with someone who's really annoying

49. Talk to her (slowly) as if she doesn't understand any English

50. Post embarrassing videos of her on YouTube

A/N: Hahahahahaha… Evilness?


	4. Russel

How to annoy Russel

You should be thanking me. This one was hard.

1. Say you like his accent. Repetitively

2. When he uses long words, stare up at him blankly

3. When he uses short words, stare up at him blankly

4. Lock yourself in your room when you need to go somewhere in a hurry

5. Lock yourself in his room and look through his closet

6. Ask for his autograph every few minutes

7. Forge his signature

8. Tell him he's tall

9. Ask questions about his eyes

10. Steal his stuff in front of him

11. A. If he sees you, say 'Hey, I thought you were blind'

11. B. If he doesn't, keep them

12. Call him Einstein

13. Ask why he's cutting up dead animals

14. Ask him why he's in England, and not America

15. See if he can recite the English anthem. I can't

16. When he walks in to a room, start singing 'I'm A Little Teapot'

17. Start dusting his head with a feather duster

18. When he's asleep, flick the light switch on and off to wake him up

19. Lend his toothbrush to Murdoc

20. Ask if he has a girlfriend

21. Look at pictures of him when he was little and comment on how 'cute' he was

22. Tell him he needs a haircut

23. Constantly ask him what the time is

24. Tell him to time you singing 'I'm A Little Teapot' and try to beat that time

25. When you get bored of that song, sing 'Incy Wincy Spider'

26. If he offers you jelly beans or M&Ms, eat only the red ones

27. When he's listening to a CD, change it to some Hippy music and say that hippies are cool

28. Get him to wear a tie-dyed t-shirt

29. Take a picture of him dressed as a hippy and show everybody you know

30. Attempt to color in his eyes with a permanent texta so they look like real eyes

31. Sing every nursery rhyme you can think of loudly

32. Once you've sung them all, sing 'We Are The Navy Blues' (or some football / soccer team song)

33. Tell him to stop hitting on Noodle

34. Throw him off concentration when he's playing drums

35. Yell out 'BEEP' very loudly when he comes near you

36. Put a spider down his shirt

37. Bounce on his bed when he's not sleeping in it

38. Bounce on his bed when he's sleeping in it

39. Ask which football team he barracks for

40. Tell him he needs to walk the dog

41. Break a window and blame him

42. Blame him if you find Murdoc's underwear in your room

43. Ask why he knows Japanese when he's American

44. Constantly ask him how old he is

45. When he sits down at the table, sit on the opposite side facing him and have a staring contest

46. Ask real dumb questions like 'What is glass made of' and 'What's infinity plus one'

47. Flash a torch in his eye

48. Eat his lunch

49. Paint a smiley face on the back of his head

50. Steal his drumsticks

A/N: See, wasn't that fun? This story is finished… For now. I might add 4 more chapters, but only if you get down on your knees and beg. Or just send in good reviews.


	5. Intermission Type Thing

Before I add any new chapters, I'd just like to say a few words… Most of these are of no importance to anybody, but read them anyway. You know you want to!

1) Geelong won the AFL Grand Final! This is one of those points that don't mean much to anybody except me… but Geelong deserved it.

2) Jet performed live during the pre-game entertainment, which I think is a big deal.

3) Yes, I'm gonna do chapters on Del and Paula, because they're in such high demand… (Who would have thought that Paula would be in high demand?)

4) Unfortunately (for me), there are no yaoi scenes. We'll all just have to go without, but it's not like anybody wanted yaoi.

5) I'm thinking of doing chapters for Mike and Cortez… I'm not sure whether to give them a chapter each (with 50 ways to annoy each of them), or make them share a chapter (with only 25 ways to annoy each of them). Need help plz.

6) I looked on Wikipedia and there's gonna be a Demon Days remix album called D-Sides. But I'm guessing that most of you knew that. I didn't.

7) Green Day's drummer (the one known as 'Tré Cool') actually has a real name! It's something like Frederik sumfing… sorry, I can't remember… Meh, nobody cares.

Yes, that is all. Have fun and be happy. DON'T FORGET TO WRITE…


	6. Mike

A/N: Yay, I'm back. Why Mike, you might ask? Well, it fits. Kind of. The 'Unofficial Gorillaz Project' a.k.a the Gorillaz movie is going to be called 'Bananaz'. That's what it says on Wikipedia, anyway. Until the movie's released, at least you've got me to give you some _free_ entertainment. Unlike the movie, which you'll have to _pay to watch_.

Oh, and this story thing already has over 1000 hits. Not bad, is it?

Risks: Reasonably risk-free, apart from minor bites and bruises. But don't let him near any matches or things that burn… And that means taking away his cigarette lighter.

1) Hang a banana in front of him. When he reaches for it, pull it away.

2) Constantly undress him to check whether he's a guy or a girl.

3) Once he's undressed, force him to wear a pink frilly dress and do the Can-Can.

4) Call him short

5) Ask what instrument he plays

6) A. If he nods his head and starts playing guitar or somethin', insult his playing, but secretly think that he's really good – I sure know that's what I'd be doing

6) B. If he shakes his head, start teaching him trumpet

7) Dress up as a giant banana/cigarette and run away fast when he tries to eat/smoke you.

8) Dress him up as a giant banana/cigarette and laugh when he tries to eat/smoke himself

9) Hand him in to Quarantine

10) Teach him to play trumpet while riding a unicycle

11) Give him to the circus

12) Keep your fleas in high out-of-reach places where he's sure not to reach

13) Ask if he's got a girlfriend

14) Give him a haircut

15) Accidentally step or pull on his tail – but do it gently, you wouldn't want Murdoc to call the RSPCA or the animal cruelty centre

16) Ask if he was one of the flying monkeys in 'The Wizard Of Oz'

17) Make him wear a diaper or a nappy, assuming he's not already in one

18) For his birthday, get him a wig to match Noodle's hair

19) Eat all his monkey and monkey-type food

20) Steal his wallet

21) Give him a makeover… Caution: careful with the makeup, coz of the 'no testing on animals' thing.

22) Give him a banana skin with no banana in it

23) Ask if he did the vocals on White Light

24) Make funny monkey noises in his ear

25) Ask when his birthday is

26) For his birthday, give him a cigarette that looks like a banana

27) Alternatively, give him a banana that looks like a cigarette

28) Use his tail as a hat-stand

29) Sell Noodle on E-bay

30) Push him out a window and say, "Fly, my pretties, fly!"

31) Make him watch Bananas In Pajamas

32) Dress all his bananas in small blue stripy pajamas

33) If you find out that he's actually a girl, stick his tail through his legs to make him a guy again (mean of me, I know)

34) See if number 30 works if he has a pair of fake wings on his back

35) Ask if Murdoc has ever raped him

36) Somehow brainwash Noodle to 'help' him give up smoking

37) Sneak up behind him and say in his ear the line from No. 30

38) When he screeches in your ear, screech twice as loud in his ear

39) Litter and blame him

40) Leave a banana skin around and hope that he trips on it instead of eating it (though both would work if it was drugged…)

41) Say to him, 'Come to the Dark Side! We have cookies – erm, I mean, we have bananas!'

42) Buy him one of those clown cars for his birthday

43) Dress him up as a clown and make him act like one

44) Dress him up as a clown and make him do the can-can

45) Give him a cigarette that Murdoc was just using

46) Spray him with a hose

47) Ask Cortez nicely to try and peck Mike's eye out

48) Hand him an eye patch

49) Spike his hair up or give him an afro

50) Dye his hair purple like Noodle's or do number 49 and dye his hair blue like 2D's

It's not much, I know. The first forty I'd had on the computer for ages (I mean, before I'd put the third chapter up) and the last ten I did in five minutes two days before Valentines Day. That just proves how much I love this stupid (oops, did I say that?) monkey. DON'T WORRY! – I'm close to finishing Del's chapter and I'll get it up as soon as possible.

Afterthought: If I could annoy a monkey in 50 ways, surely I'll be able to do the same to a Raven. I hope.


	7. Del

Yay. I finally finished Del. Yawns I'm tired… Did I mention that blue's my favorite colour?

Risks: He's a deceased spirit! What harm could a deceased spirit possibly cause…

Disclaimer: It's not my fault if he comes to your house and rapes you and just because I wrote it doesn't mean that I asked you to do them. Big breath… Ok. I'm ready.

1) Say he looks like the Cookie Monstah

2) Ask if he ever had yaoi with any of the other male spirits while he was inside Russel's head (and don't I deserve an extra special review just for mentioning yaoi?)

3) Offer him cookies

4) Laugh at him 'coz he had to live inside Russel's head

5) Dress up as the Grim Reaper and sneak up behind him

6) Ask why he's blue

7) Then ask if he uses food dye to colour his skin blue

8) Colour him in green… or purple… or black

9) Lock him up in a cage ('Clint Eastwood' reference, in case you're wondering)

10) Ask about his relationship with Noodle

11) Walk through him

12) For Halloween, make him dress up as the Grim Reaper – he'd do a good job, wouldn't he? Heh heh, if he looked in a mirror, he'd probably scare himself to death and then realize that he was already dead

13) Ask which he enjoyed more with Russel pre-death stage: yaoi, yuri, or normal lemons (ask your friends as well, just to piss them off)

14) When he tells you to piss off and stop annoying him, repeat him word for word, and overdo the accent

15) Ask if he ever needed to go to the toilet when in Russel's head

16) Ask if he's friends with 2D, since they have one obvious thing in common

17) Wonder whether him drinking has the same effect as it does on Captain Barbossa (Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl, when Barbossa drinks the wine and it makes that cool dripping noise in his ribcage)

18) Tell him he has the same hairstyle as Russel

19) He and Russel _do_ have a lot in common… evil thoughts of them trapped in a room together hahahahahaha… You know what I'm getting at, right?

20) Say he can't truly be a Gorillaz member without having a relationship with Noodle

21) Hide his cap behind the couch

22) Constantly play the 'Rock The House' video clip in his presence, just to embarrass him

23) Test whether pushing him out of a window and cackling, 'Fly, my pretties, fly!' has the same effect on him as it does on Mike

24) Make Mike or Cortez (or maybe even both) really restless by sticking them in small cages, and let them take out their anger on him

25) Sing the 'C Is For Cookie' song a lot

26) Ask if the living dead can eat

27) Purposely eat in front of him to make him hungry

28) Point out similarities between him and the undead zombies outside

29) Use him as a piñata…

30) Shout in his ear, 'C is for Cookie!'

31) Tell him that Russel's a better percussionist than he is

32) Disturb him greatly by telling him that Murdoc's looking at him with funny eyes

33) Look through Russel's head to see if there are any pornographic posters that Del stuck up

34) Ask if he can play the trumpet

35) If you know a language other than English, use it to see if he really does know other languages because of his being a spirit

36) Yell at him in tongues and see if he yells back

37) Ask if blue's his favorite color

38) When he's innocently talking in a normal voice to Russel, yell at him, 'Use your inside voice!'

39) Put a sign up with an arrow pointing to his head. On the sign, write 'Russel's Place'

40) Throw a book at him

41) Ask if him and Russel are identical twins

42) If somebody at Kong asks if you have a pet, point at Del and say, 'He's over there. We had him in a cage but he escaped.'

43) Just as he's putting the last cookie in the cookie jar to his mouth, steal it and eat it really quickly before he realizes what's happened

44) Tell him he needs a shower… The water would go straight through him…

45) Become an artist and do really good pictures of the others, but do a crap picture of him (if you can)

46) Poke him

47) Get Murdoc to poke him (if you don't get this, save yourself the embarrassment and don't ask)

48) Star him in a new TV series and make him out to be a serial killer

49) Sue him for absolutely no reason at all

50) Tell him he needs a new wardrobe (preferably blue so it looks like he's wearing nothing)

Yay, I finished it! Let's celebrate… Ok, let's not. It's probably not as funny as it could have been, but what are you gonna do about it? At least he won't squash you, unlike Russel.

Paula's next, followed by Cortez.


	8. Paula

Yeah… I'm sorry that I haven't updated for ages. I kinda had heaps of homework to do. And I actually typed this up when I was meant to be doing homework. Then my mum walked past and assumed that this was homework. Luckily, she didn't see number one or number three…

1) Ask who raped who in the toilets

2) Laugh at her 'coz she was replaced by Noodle

3) Act as if having sex with Murdoc made her contaminated

4) Tip her medication down the drain

5) Steal her identity (although why would you want to?)

6) Tell her she can't play guitar

7) Ask if Russel broke her nose as well as Murdoc's

8) Inquire as to what colour her hair was when she was dating 2D

9) Take her to a counselor

10) Don't offer her the last cookie

11) And then say she doesn't deserve it

12) Compare her to someone who hasn't had sex with Murdoc, e.g. Noodle, and leave out all the similarities (if any)

13) Ask how old she is

14) Put Gorillaz CDs on repeat in the car and at her house

15) Make her emo, if she isn't already

16) Give her three cups of coffee a day… (well, it made ME crazy!)

17) After she's addicted to coffee, demand a worldwide coffee ban

18) Dye her hair hot pink

19) Every time you see her, shout out, "Gangster!"

20) Paint her room hot pink and stick seahorse stickers all over the walls

21) Tell her you saw Noodle holding hands with Murdoc and 2D on the same day

22) Once the hot pink hair dye's grown/washed out, dye her hair purple so she looks more like Noodle

23) Recommend starting her own band, and give her the addresses and phone numbers of some really crappy musicians (and yes, I do include myself in the really crappy musicians category, thank you very much)

24) Shine a torch in her eyes

25) Once she can see again, shine a brighter torch in her eyes

26) Flick the lights on and off when she's in a room

27) Ask if she's a hooker

28 A) If she says yes, either bag her for it or pay her money… Depending on how you feel at the time

28 B) If she says no, say, "Oops! My bad! I just told all my friends that you were!"

29) Jump on her bed after she makes it

30) Jump on her bed when she's in it

31) Hold her teddy hostage and demand a ransom

32) If she asks what the time is, look at your watch and reply, "I left my watch at home"

33) Poke her with something sharp

34) Steal her drivers license and laugh at the picture

35) Don't get her anything for her birthday

36) Or maybe get her a baby pink cake that says 'Happy 100th' in hot pink writing (Apparently, there _is_ a difference between these two colours, although I can't tell the difference)

37) Get Russel to break her nose for her birthday

38) When you need her attention, shout, "Hey! Ugly!"

39) If she doesn't pay any attention, walk up to her and clap loudly next to her ear

40) The next time she bothers to ask you a question, smile annoyingly

41) Say she's got something wrong with her hair

42) Ask if she can read

43) Give her a library card

44) When she's just about to wake up, hold your face really close to hers so that your face is the first thing she sees

45) Mess up her hair so it looks like she's got an afro

46) Ask if she was asked to play Russel's part in the Gorillaz movie

47) Treat her like a three-year-old

48) Then get her a monkey plushie and say, "See? Now you can be more like your hero Noodle!"

49) Don't flush the toilet

50) Draw a beard on her face in permanent marker

_51)__ Put up pictures of Noodle on all her walls_

_52)__ Have noodle behind glass dance to DARE while making faces at her_

_53)__ Ask her if the birds moved out of that clumpy black nest on her head_

The last three in italics are by Zippy. I already thought of 50 ways to annoy her, but I put these in anyways.

Now the hard part… CORTEZ! And after that, I'll take character suggestions and do each of them. I'm getting Rise of the Ogre for my 15th birthday in July, so that'll help a bit.


	9. Cortez

1)

I think I did this chapter reasonably quickly. It's not that long since I put Paula's chapter up. Well, now you know that I care about… this 'story'.

1) Point at him and shout, "Look! It's my grandma!" (Afterthought: Now who is that bagging, Grandma or Cortez?)

2) Give him a pair of false teeth

3) Stare at him really hard

4) Tell him that he's naked

5) Lock him out of the Winnebago

6) Put him in a bird cage

7) Threaten to serve him up for Thanksgiving (and I don't even celebrate that…)

8) Poke him

9) Get a cat

10) Use him as a messenger bird and make him carry really heavy loads to far away places

11) Take him to the vet

12) Ask if he's related to Big Bird from Sesame Street

13) Pull out some of his feathers and say it was his own fault

14) Give him some bees for his birthday

15) Feed him human food, which would most likely give him food poisoning

16) Ask if he's a Satanist like Murdoc

17) Move in to the Winnebago with him

18) Put a collar around his neck and take him for a walk down to the park

19) Sell him to KFC and hope that people can't tell the difference between a fried chicken and a fried Raven

20) Glue his face to Russel's window so he has to see the percussionist change his clothes

21) Stare at his rude parts

22) Use sticky tape to stick him to Mike's back. Then push Mike out of a window and say, "Fly, my pretties, fly!" If Cortez doesn't want to get injured, he'll actually have to fly.

23) Afterwards, if he gets injured, say, "Don't worry. You're still very pretty!"

24) Try to make him wear contact lenses (I heard someone say that Ravens don't have good eyesight, although they might just have been talking about our local Auskick team)

25) Ask if he's a goth

26) Have a staring contest with him and win

27) Serve up meat for dinner and give him the leftovers

28) Read 'Rise of the Ogre' and say, "How come you're not mentioned? You mustn't be important enough…" (I'm not sure if he is mentioned or not, but say it anyways)

29) Give Mike a banana and poke your tongue out at Cortez

30) Get an inverted cross for him and tie it tightly around his neck

31) Forget his birthday

32) Get your own raven

33) Tell him you like Mike better

34) Give him a bath

35) Take pictures of him in the shower with Murdoc (if Murdoc actually has a shower) and put captions saying that Cortez is a pervert

36) Dye his feathers yellow

37) When he makes a noise, hold your nose as if it smells bad

38) Make him a Mike mask

39) Dress him so he actually looks like Mike

40) Put an alarm right next to his ear

41) Throw pencils at him and start crying if he throws them back

42) When he's asleep, tie strings to his wings, tail and beak and make him into one of those funny looking puppets

43) Change the channel when he's watching TV

44) Constantly clear your throat

45) Smother him with kisses (which annoys me, so I can only imagine what it would do to him)

Five more to go… This is really hard to annoy a Raven.

46) Treat him like a child and tuck him in to bed

47) Say that you feel sorry for Murdoc because he has a raven (this one in particular)

48) Ask how old he is

49) Paint a picture of him, but paint the whole page/canvas black. Explain that it was dark when you painted the picture and couldn't see him

50) Try to color his beak in with highlighters

Hey! I forgot Mr. Japanese Guy Who Created Noodle! You, know… Mr. What's-His-Face! Oh well… I guess I'll just have to do that next. Yesss… an excuse to write more chapters! That's just what I've always wanted! Well, not really, but you get the idea. Oh, and another quick note – this story's got over 1000 hits. Not bad going, is it?

Please please please leave reviews. It makes me feel loved… Even though I might not be.


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